So, I’ve gotten a new neighbor recently, and it seems as if she and her friends never learned how to park. I swear, I’ve never before seen one group of poeple lack the ability to confine their vehicles to the space alloted between two painted white lines. After about the 10th time I had to park further away from my apartment door than I should, I was forced to become THAT guy. I never wanted to be THAT guy, but now I’m that angry neighbor guy who complains about dumb shit. But this is ridiculous. Last night, as one of my neighbor’s friend’s cars was a good two feet over the parking-space line, and I was forced to leave the following note on the windshield.
— START —
Would you, and your friend who drives the Cadillac, please try to park within the confines of a single spot in the future. This taking up two spaces nonsense is already getting quite old.
Thank you,
A neighbor
— END —
We’ll see if it works, or if there is some witty, written retaliation left on my door in the morning.
There are two way people would react to such a note. One way would be to inwardly say, “Wow, I’ve been aggravating people with something as simple to correct as the way I park. I don’t want people to think I’m an ass or a dummy. I’d better park correctly in the future.” Or, they could think, “Wow, what a dick. So I parked over the line. Who cares? I’ll park any way I want, because, damn it, I can.”
In this case, however, I’m afraid I might get the latter reaction. Someone who would react sensibly, as in the first example, would most likely be able to park in the first place … or would at least make the attempt to park correctly, oh, 80 percent of the time. I tell you, with this set of people (and I’ve not met any of them; I only know my actual neighbor is female), the correct parking percentage is somewhere near 20 percent. It’s quite pathetic, actually.
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